if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots