also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.