She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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