Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf

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(647): she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf http://tfl.nu/59j2

Replies (10) Good night (914) Bad night (1132)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.

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(401): You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men. http://tfl.nu/u1rr

Replies (28) Good night (3359) Bad night (993)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?

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(617): why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency? http://tfl.nu/lb38

Replies (35) Good night (3445) Bad night (727)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

mmm whisky

(402): View more from Nebraska

reminds me of losing my job

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(402): mmm whisky (402): reminds me of losing my job http://tfl.nu/6ugp

Replies (3) Good night (1098) Bad night (2828)
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(417): View more from Missouri

Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

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(417): Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable http://tfl.nu/hmli

Replies (14) Good night (5551) Bad night (947)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.

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(218): If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting. http://tfl.nu/wbx1

Replies (12) Good night (3951) Bad night (1110)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.

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(512): I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed. http://tfl.nu/z4ve

Replies (17) Good night (4424) Bad night (2015)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias

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(318): When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias http://tfl.nu/7mik

Replies (6) Good night (3756) Bad night (767)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity

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(250): I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity http://tfl.nu/6n2x

Replies (2) Good night (1054) Bad night (648)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon

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(402): You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon http://tfl.nu/n4f7

Replies (16) Good night (1228) Bad night (755)
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(512): View more from Texas

I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position

(1-512): View more from Texas

I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.

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(512): I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position (1-512): I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed. http://tfl.nu/u3vm

Replies (9) Good night (2539) Bad night (1069)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now

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(303): Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now http://tfl.nu/ssv3

Replies (5) Good night (664) Bad night (988)
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(410): View more from Maryland

It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.

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(410): It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again. http://tfl.nu/2qb3

Replies (4) Good night (373) Bad night (1089)
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(719): View more from Colorado

My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.

(505): View more from New Mexico

By piano you mean.....

(719): View more from Colorado

Like literally a piano.

(505): View more from New Mexico

Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.

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(719): My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked. (505): By piano you mean..... (719): Like literally a piano. (505): Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/b7lv

Replies (5) Good night (999) Bad night (421)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.

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(306): I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS. http://tfl.nu/r076

Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (355)

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