just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
