Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
