Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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