just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
