Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
