okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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