Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
