I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
