i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
