you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
