i jhust puked up my retainher.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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