im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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