An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
