if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
