She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
