Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
