For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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