so let's talk penis.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
