I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
