Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I didn't shave. On purpose
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
