at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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