thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
