uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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