My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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