You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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