She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
