i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sarcasm needs its own font
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
