During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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