only if we run a train.
done.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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