We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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