I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think brook has ever known best
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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