After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
