I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize