Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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