You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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