saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
