turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
