Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
