Tell her she can't have a vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
