IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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