His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
