Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
