Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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