I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
