please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
