hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
