My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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