GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
