if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
