Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
