dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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