omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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