yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
