shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
