Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
