I wish I could punch you in the face.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
