Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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