just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
