don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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