I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
