a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
