how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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