Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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