a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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