Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my being single is dangerous.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
