He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
