Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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