Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
