sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
