Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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