sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
