do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
