got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
