i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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