i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
