one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
