i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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